Today was the first snow of the season. I woke up this morning to a bright day and large fluffy snow falling outside. I haven't seen snowflakes that large in a long time. It was my favorite kind of snow. Big, soft, and gentle... I sat down at my piano and played as I watched the snow fall. I don't know why, but seeing the snow made me so sad. It's my first snow alone. I always thought that it was so romantic when it snowed like that.

I just wished that I could go grab him by the hand and say, "let's go play in the snow!" and yank him out of bed. As I looked out the window, I could almost see us laughing as we would try to catch snowflakes on our tongues, and wishing there was enough snow to make snowballs. But I'm here, and I'm alone. This year, there won't be anyone to play in the snow with. Why does that seem to make me more sad than I've been in a while?

It's like a new little death I have to face every time I think of something new that I've lost. It's not enough to have to face the death of my marriage as a whole, but I have to face the death of every little thing that I've lost because of it. I don't know when I will have to face the next one. They seem to surprise me, like today.

Winter has always been my favorite season. It just seems to romantic somehow. There's something wonderful about bright little twinkle lights on the houses, warm fires in a fireplace, falling snow, hot chocolate, making snow angles, and snuggling up close to those you love on those really cold nights. Watching a gentle snow fall like today's always makes me sentimental. I guess it's just hard to be sentimental when you have no one to share it with. I hope I don't have to feel this lonely all winter long...